Feisty-Ish. Focused. Frequently Overcaffeinated. 40.
It’s my birthday this week and you can tell from the title, I am embracing this next decade with humor, an outlook anchored in grounded optimism, and more than a little excitement. I have never been one of those women who dreads getting older. I chalk that up to having excellent role models in my family who have not just aged gracefully, but they have aged with flair. They have shown me what it looks like to stay mentally and physically strong while building (quite literally) longer tables for their communities around them to join in on the beautiful second era of life they’re all in. While I’m not yet in my “second era” of life, there’s something about turning the page into a new decade that makes me pause and reflect. At any point in my professional working career, if you looked at my desk, you would see a variety of sticky notes with quotes on them. There would almost always be a Brene Brown quote, usually an Adam Grant quote, and then some random but really great one from whatever podcast I was into that season. I’m a words person (hence this whole blogging venture). I decorate our home with words and it drives my husband a bit nuts. After 15 years of dating and marriage, he’s learned to just smile and choose whatever size TV he wants because that’s the deal we have. We teach our kids that words matter so choose them and use them carefully. As I’ve approached my birthday and have been reflecting over this past decade, a few things stood out to me.
I am not who I was 10 years ago and that’s a good thing. I’m more grounded than ever in my beliefs and values while also realizing, through some hard earned wisdom, that there’s so much to this life that I will never understand or comprehend.
My tolerance for nonsense (the hurtful kind not the fun, silly kind) is at an all time low. I am fiercely protective of my family, chosen family, and friends in my inner circle. I will always build a longer table as my mom, aunts, and grandmothers have taught me…and there’s no place for hate here.
Life is too short to be serious all the time. I laugh more freely, I look for small moments of joy, and soak in the moments where all 4 of us in my family are laughing or simply enjoying a peaceful moment. We all know there’s plenty of chaotic moments so these moments of pure, simple joy are what I hang on to the most.
I was asked the other day to share a quote that has made a difference in my life. You’d better believe I was primed and ready for that one! Let me just flip through my handy dandy sticky notes here…So, to celebrate entering into the Flourishing, Focused, and Frequently Overcaffeinated 40s, here are 5 quotes that have helped me in my 30s and will continue to be true in my 40s and beyond.
“Strong backs, soft fronts, wild hearts.” - Brene Brown
I love this quote so much. When I first read this about 10 years ago, I remember sitting back and thinking, “Wow. What a concept!” I don’t have to be so strong and rigid and buttoned up all the time…my wild heart was able to dream more, including changing jobs, expanding and shifting my consulting business, and so much more. All while keeping my front soft, learning to be vulnerable with people who built trust with me, and learning to communicate my boundaries and not compromising on my values. Authentic, focused living. This is a journey for me, not a destination.
“All of us, at some time or another, need help.” - Fred Rogers
Who doesn’t love Mr. Rogers?! Personally, I think we need a whole lot of Fred Rogers’ wisdom being lived out in the world. This quote is a favorite of mine because it represents a LOT of the work I’ve done with amazing therapists in the last 10 years. Asking for and receiving help is not weakness. It’s strength. As a (checks notes) very independent woman, I have burned out more times than I care to admit simply because asking for help felt like I was being weak. Let me tell you. The strongest women I know are wise enough to ask for and receive help. Coming into my 40s decade, I have a whole BENCH of folks I call on now when I need help.
“They said babe, you gotta fake it till you make it and I did” - The Queen herself, Taylor Alison Swift
I mean, honestly, what working Mom hasn’t belted this out in the car on the way to work after a chaotic, drama-filled morning of getting the kids to the bus/school and fighting with one kid to wear shoes and the other to turn their backward shirt around all while trying to not spill your hot coffee on your way to said car. I know for a fact it is not just me! So yes, hanging on to this gem with both hands because some things about me will never change.
“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” - Captain Jack Sparrow
The Pirates of the Caribbean will forever and always live in my top 5 movie series and I will not be swayed on this. I think the films are brilliant, hilarious, and so well done. It was hard to choose which quote for my list today because I love so many of them, but this one perfectly describes the shift in my thinking about problems over the last 10 years. Most of the time, my attitude was 68% of the problem. Again, with a lot of hard earned wisdom and guidance from older, wiser people (and Captain Sparrow), problems don’t seem as challenging when I fix my face and my attitude before trying to solve the actual problem. I also really love to tell my children that I am “disinclined to acquiesce to their request”. IYKYK.
“I’m just like my country, I’m young, scrappy, and hungry. I am not throwing away my shot!” - Lin Manual Miranda, Hamilton
You had to know this was coming. I’ve been a major fan of Hamilton for a long time now and only last year had the opportunity to see it live in Austin with Broadway Across America. Yes, I’m 40…but just like Alexander Hamilton, you’d better believe I’m not throwing away my shot. New decade. New career. New family adventure (same family, new place). Still young. Still scrappy. And still so hungry for the story that is yet to unfold.
Here’s to the fabulous, focused, feisty, fierce, and full-hearted 40s.
Love you, mean it, friends.