Look Up.
One of the reasons I started writing here at Just Chaos and Coffee was to share pieces of my story around my experience with burnout the last few years. Truthfully, this is the stuff I don’t want to write about. It’s not funny, although I know myself and I’ll try to make it humorous because that’s how I cope. It’s uncomfortable for me because I’m choosing to be vulnerable in a way that’s new for me. My inner circle? They’re well aware because they lived it with me and helped pull me through (and are still such a huge support in my life). BUT, as I tell my children at least once a week, we can do hard things. I’m working on getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. So here we go. In my personal experience, burnout isn’t something that typically happens overnight. For me, it was a slow crawl. Let me explain…
What Causes Burnout?
In 2021, I went through some pretty major (and now, looking back I can say, pretty scary for me) health stuff. That’s a story for another day, but just know that when doctors tell you to pay attention and get stuff taken care of…do it. Just make the time and actually take care of yourself. Back to the slow crawl into burnout. The health stuff was definitely a part of the burnout because when I’m stressed, I go straight into overproduction and the mindset of “let me show you how hard I can work and how awesome I can make this and let’s do all the things, etc” and you get the picture. It was the perfect storm of changes at work, health stuff, family challenges. I mean really, what choice did I have, friends, but to go into being over productive and work a lot and launch new business services?! I had all the choice in the world but it sure did not feel that way at the time.
I think burnout can go unrecognized, especially in professional working women, because it’s easy to mask under layers of doing really good, impactful things. Let me outline a tad of what I mean. Here’s a short list of what all was on my plate, mostly by choice, at the time:
Working a full time job where I was a team lead for a dispersed team across Texas helping implement mental health programming and support in schools.
Working part time as a consultant for leadership development for my business, J.S. Goldsberry & Associates.
Still seeing mental health clients in my private practice.
Volunteering to create content for and co-lead a Women’s Trauma Processing Group at a local church.
Parenting, with my amazing husband, two kids under 5 years old with one having many additional needs that we were in the throes of figuring out what support looked like for him. And us.
Project managing the build of our house while a pandemic was still happening (Super Fun. 0/10 recommend.)
Getting Covid. Twice. But somehow, thankfully, no one else in our family got it!
But How Do You Know You’re Burned Out?
There’s a fine line for me between being productive and stressed and when I’m fully burned out. One thing that a lot of people may not know is that 6 months of chronic stress is equivalent to our brains as the same as experiencing 1 traumatic event. I don’t think anyone came out of the March 2020 - sometime in 2023 (I think it will differ for each of us) unscathed. At the very least, I would hope each of us has changed and maybe even for the positive. For me, the years of March 2020 and into 2024 were extended periods of chronic stress. Looking back, I think burnout was inevitable simply because I wasn’t able to manage my stress. My head was completely down and in survival mode because that is what I had to do at the time to get through some really, really challenging seasons.
It was at a point in 2023 that I was able to step back and realize, “Oh crap, this isn’t just multiple crispy weeks in a row. This is full on, burned black and smoking burnout” at some point. A few things that really helped me understand I needed to get some help and figure out what recovery looked like:
Sleeping through the night was rare.
Coffee wasn’t just for enjoyment or grounding me, but for the caffeine intake.
It was harder and harder for me to find joy in the work that I was doing - both at my full time job and the work I did with consulting.
My family was getting only the leftovers of my patience.
Every 3 weeks or so, I would have a day where I utterly crashed out. Like, my bones felt heavy and I just needed hours of sleep.
The First Step Is To Look Up.
I can’t tell you exactly where I heard the strategy that has served me so well the last 2 years, but somewhere along the way, the words “Look Up” became a lifeline for me. I was spending so much of my time head down and intensely focused on work, parenting, finding support for our child, walking with my husband through some challenges, and so much more. There were days where I’d finally look up and have to fight to catch my breath. I wish that was an exaggeration, but it’s not. Eventually, I learned how to recognize when that was happening and pull out of the tailspin sooner…and look up. Literally. When I could step away from my office, kitchen, or whatever I was so focused on and get outside, I would look up. It was even better when the sun was shining or we were headed into the golden hour easing into sunset.
Currently, I have a practice that keeps me grounded in so many ways. At least one time a day, I step outside, take a deep breath, and exhale with all my might. Sometimes I walk around the back yard, take a walk around the block, or just relax in my little hammock chair. Regardless of how I spend those 15-20 minutes outside, I am intentional about looking up. It reminds me that the world is bigger than me. That one of my best friends who lives so far away in New England is still living under the same sun that I am seeing now. When I look up, I’m given perspective. I’m reminded that even within the chaos of my life, there’s a design and purpose to it. I look up and sometimes I pray some of my favorite prayers by Anne Lamott, “Help. Thanks. Wow.” I jokingly say we have about 6 weeks of great weather in Texas so I’ve been extra intentional about spending time outside in the evenings. I usually don’t take my phone but will take my Kindle and sparkling water. The views when I look up are breathtaking to me. They’re not necessarily grand and they’re not beachside but to me, they’re life giving.
Look up. Every day. Look up. And see what happens.
With you and for you,
JoEllen
