The Elephant in the Room
I told my husband at dinner last night that I had about 3 different blog posts all partially written in my head (comments will not be taken at this time for how “special” my brain is, thank you!). I went on to say that I was really undecided about which way to go and he just smiled, genuinely, and said, “you’ll figure it out”. I think I’ve been pushing back against writing this week because I’m just so very tired. On top of it being Maycember (see last week’s blog), helping the Oldest and the Youngest navigate very big feelings that the end of school brings about, it’s also just been a super heavy couple of weeks at work and personally. People are struggling. This is not new news. But in my world, that struggle can be on a really big level and I’m part of the team that gets the challenge of leading through crisis and hard things. Even though it’s 2025, people don’t feel totally comfortable talking about and normalizing mental health challenges and mental illness - it’s the elephant in the room. It’s the thing that people know about, but don’t want to acknowledge, even though 1 in 5 people in America struggle with things like depression and anxiety. But when it’s literally your job, you (me) get really, really comfortable not just talking about elephants in rooms, but advocating for help. Advocating for change at a systemic level. And most days, just plain advocating. And while I realize this really is a blog about motherhood, working, the chaos that comes with life, and that life changing cup of morning coffee, I wouldn’t be true to who I am, how I’m wired, and what I believe part of my purpose in this life is - hoping for and actually working towards true change with people and in systems - if I didn’t also write about these things. So let’s talk about hope and the elephant in the room.
This is framed right above my desk in my home office as my visual reminder to keep bringing up The Elephant in the Room.
Mental Health Awareness…Isn’t Enough.
Every May, you see a flood of posts and advertisements about mental health, mental health awareness, mental health advocacy, etc. One thing that I don’t necessarily talk a whole lot about on the blog is the fact that in addition to being an executive leader at a behavioral health hospital here in Texas, I’m also a Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor. I have had the privilege for close to a decade to sit across from people of all ages and hold space for them as they work through some of the hardest parts of their lives. The last two years I’ve had the immense privilege and joy to supervise LPC-Associates, those incredible people on their licensing journey and gosh, is it a journey! In Texas, you have to be under supervision for at least 18 months and accrue 3,000 hours. Yes, three thousand hours of caring for others, learning to diagnose, proper documentation, treatment plans, and all the things graduate school did not, in fact, teach you that you REALLY needed to know. Sometimes I get the question of “how do you do it? How do you listen to and help people move through trauma and anxiety?” My husband and I talk often about my career, work, what I love and what changes could be made to ease my load. Almost every conversation has me saying, “But I just can’t give up my counseling clients.” While I’ve downscaled greatly in the number of clients I’m able to work with as my leadership role has expanded, I just can’t completely give up the 1-1 counseling. Why? So glad you asked! Here’s a few reasons:
There is a severe shortage of quality licensed counselors, especially in Texas. I still have the capacity, empathy, and heart to offer this service to people (mostly women, mostly Moms, and my LPC-Associates).
I don’t believe I can advocate adequately for better mental health care coverage in this country unless I am still somehow involved in this system as a small business owner and clinician. That’s just a personal stance I have. Awareness is a great starting point for talking about and continuing to normalize mental health. But awareness isn’t enough. I can tell you with 100% certainty that we desperately need better insurance coverage that includes mental health coverage. And not just 1-1 counseling, but better coverage for longer term care.
I still have hope that people can change. They can heal. And sometimes they just need one voice in their life reminding them of that. Holding onto hope FOR them until they have the strength and energy to hold onto hope again for themselves. It’s a sacred space, that space of holding hope for people. And how truly lucky I am that I get a front row seat to watch the light of hope spark again in the client's eyes. Chill bumps every time.
Holding Onto Hope
“Fear is free, but hope takes work”. (Jon Acuff originally said this last year and I absolutely loved it). Fear is easy. It’s being thrown around a lot these days, isn’t it! And I say this with truly all the love in my heart for you, dear reader. Mental health and access to help for one’s mental health challenges is not a Republican or Democrat issue. It’s not a right or wrong issue. I firmly believe it’s a humanity issue. The last two weeks I’ve had conversations with leaders about how impossible it feels for the “system” to change. And I get that, oh my gosh, do I get that! It’s in these conversations that I take the deepest breath that I can, dig deep into my soul, and say, “but the system has to change. It. Is. Not. Working. So what do we have control over that we CAN change for the better?” And then we roll up our sleeves and we get to work. That’s when I see it. That little spark of hope. That fire in my team’s eyes.
Hope can get a really bad reputation. It’s often seen by people as this limp, gauzy, cotton candy-esque vague idea. Here’s what I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, what I know down to my soul. Hope is the fire in your belly that tells you to keep pushing forward. Hope is the force helping you put one foot in front of the other when you don’t even know what direction to head. Hope is gritty and won’t let you go down without a fight. Hope is the quiet, persistent voice telling you that you are NOT too much and you have so much to offer this world. Hope is actually backed by science, as Dr. Chan Hellman and his team at the University of Oklahoma have found out. Hope is literally a formula of goals, resilience, and agency. It’s action oriented, not some passive idea floating around.
Back to the Elephant in the Room
Hope is also relational. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum. And the more that we understand about how human beings were designed, we understand just how deeply we need that connection and belonging with other people. The former U.S. Surgeon General, a leader I deeply admire still, Dr. Vivek Murthy, in his parting address to the nation, highlighted how much we need other people. Which brings me back to the elephant in the room. No, literally, the actual elephant. Elephants are group animals. They usually run in a familial herd, but not always. You’ll almost never find an elephant alone or by themselves for long periods of time. (Elephants and starfish…I know way too many facts about them!) So while the “elephant in the room” is talking about mental health and mental illness, I think it’s also a powerful reminder that together, with hope anchoring each of us, change is possible. But it’s going to take the whole herd of us humans stopping the rhetoric, stopping the fear, and leaning in to truly listen. To actually hear ideas on how to make systems that are supposed to help people actually help them. To slow down and take care of each other. Maybe we really can do more than just talk about the elephant in the room. Fear is free. Hope takes work. And gosh if I’m not determined to keep sharing and spreading that gritty, determined hope each day.
Love you, mean it, friends.
JoEllen