Advocacy: Your Other Full Time Job.
If you’re a parent or adult navigating the world of special education, you know it’s not just about meetings and paperwork—it’s about carrying the weight of being your child’s fiercest advocate while also being Mom, professional, partner, friend, and everything else. It’s a mental load few can fully grasp unless they’ve been there. And while the process can feel overwhelming (and at times, adversarial), it doesn’t have to. With the right tools, mindset, and collaboration, parents and schools can work together for what matters most: the kids. For the past 4 years we have navigated this system as parents advocating and at times all out fighting for our child to receive the services that would level the playing field of school and education for them. The process has (and continues to be) exhausting, but here are a few strategies that have helped us along the way.
How to Advocate for Your Kids:
1: Know Your Rights (and Theirs)
The world of IEPs, 504s, and acronyms can feel like alphabet soup. But knowledge is power:
Read your parent rights handbook. Every district and school must provide this—don’t just file it away. It is boring and not fun, but make the strong cup of coffee and dive in. You will be glad you did, I promise!
Ask questions. If a term or process doesn’t make sense, pause the meeting and get clarity. In our experience, school leaders do not often get pressed by parents to fully explain the systems that come second nature to them. Do not hesitate to ask questions! Assuming that you know what something means risks your child missing out on vital support.
Bring support for yourself. It’s okay to take another parent, advocate, or even a friend with you. Two sets of ears are always better than one. I rarely go into an advocacy meeting by myself. If my husband can’t be there in person, he joins over the phone. We have learned the hard way that two sets of ears hear more and two brains are better at asking questions and ensuring all I’s are dotted and T’s are crossed.
2: Keep Receipts, Literally
Documentation is your best friend.
Save emails.
Write down phone call notes.
Keep a running folder (digital or paper) with every evaluation, meeting note, and teacher update.
Not only does this help you stay organized, but it also protects you if there are ever discrepancies in services or support. When we first started, I had a tote bag I carried in with binders. Now that so much is digital, I have a folder in my email and a running note on my phone. Document, document, document!!
3: Practical Strategies for Smoother Advocacy
Here’s the part we don’t talk about enough: the mental load. Advocating is exhausting. It’s waking up at 2 a.m. wondering if your child is being supported. It’s carrying and processing through folders of data while still packing lunches and showing up to soccer practice.
Practical strategies that help lighten the load:
Use a dedicated advocacy binder or app. Divide sections for evaluations, teacher notes, and meeting minutes so you’re never scrambling for papers.
Prep before meetings. Write down 2–3 main priorities for your child (academic, social, or behavioral). This helps you stay focused when the conversation gets overwhelming.
Learn the language. Special education has its own vocabulary. A quick glossary in your notes can help you feel more confident during meetings.
Take breaks. It’s okay to pause or request to reconvene if a meeting feels unproductive or overwhelming. I once worked for a principal (one of the best I ever worked for, actually!) who told us as staff, “Every adult has the right to call a time out.” I still use that strategy with my own teams when we are working through complex problems that often get feelings heightened. Call a timeout. You’re allowed.
Find your village. Whether it’s an online parent group, a local advocacy nonprofit, or just a trusted friend, having support outside the school system can give you perspective and encouragement. One of our friends told my husband a few years back when we were frustrated we weren’t getting anywhere with our child’s campus leadership, “Well, they’re not the superintendent. So the buck doesn’t stop with them.” And that was all the perspective we needed to work further up the chain. Find your village and let them support you.
4: Reframe the Relationship with Schools
Before I step foot onto my child’s campus, I remind myself of one of my favorite sayings: “Do no harm. Take no bull.” The truth of these words grounds me and reminds me of a few things. It’s easy for parents and schools to feel like they’re on opposite sides of the table. But here’s the truth: most educators want to help—they’re just bound by systems, time, and resources.
I love this saying so much I designed a t-shirt over at J.S. Goldsberry Designs!
Here are a few ways that I work to do no harm and take no bull:
Lead with collaboration. Say “How can we work together on this?” before “Why isn’t this happening?” As much as I can, I really do try to approach advocacy meetings with collaboration. However, there’s a time and a place to go straight to the why isn’t this happening question and I really try to reserve those moments for the big battles that directly impact my child’s mental wellbeing. When adults aren’t doing their job or following legally binding service documents, that’s the time to lead with assertiveness first then collaboration. Every other conversation, work to lead with collaboration.
See teachers as allies. Most aren’t against you—they’re often just as overwhelmed as you. Our family has come across a handful of teachers who I have point blank asked why they are teaching because they seem so miserable while doing it and in turn, my child’s learning environment is miserable and psychologically unsafe. BUT. For the most part, teachers really do want to come alongside and be allies to support your student. Ask good questions. Lead with curiosity and not shame. When I am able to stick to those approaches, more gets accomplished and usually that teacher leaves with a better understanding of our child and is empowered to teach them better.
Acknowledge effort. A quick thank-you email goes a long way in building goodwill for the next hard conversation. Listen. I am the first to hold teachers accountable to following IEPs, BIPs, and all the other acronyms in this world and have the hard conversations. (We also are the first to hold our own children accountable but that’s another post!) I am also the first to write the thank you emails and send the notes of gratitude. Teaching post-Covid, I am convinced, is one of the most challenging jobs in our country. So yes, for the love, acknowledge the teacher's efforts when they’re working at improving their connection and relationship with your students!
When schools and parents start to see each other as partners instead of opponents, kids win.
5: Protect Your Energy
(Yes, we’re circling back to Taylor Swift wisdom here.) Your energy is a luxury. You don’t have to fight every single battle—choose the ones that matter most for your child’s growth and well-being. And remember: you are more than an advocate. You’re also a mom, wife, friend, colleague, daughter. Protecting space for those identities makes you stronger in every role.
Advocating in special education is one of the most exhausting and rewarding parts of parenting. You are not “too much.” You are not “overly emotional.” You are showing up for your child in ways only you can. And while the load is heavy, it doesn’t have to crush you. With organization, collaboration, and intentional rest, you can navigate the chaos—and maybe even find your coffee still warm at the end of the meeting.
Love you, mean it, friends.