Looking for the Glimmers.
Friends. We have just survived the first month of school. As in 4 weeks in a row of getting the small-midsize humans up at a very early hour, scrounging breakfast up and shoving it in their pieholes before heading to the bus stop to scramble out of the car and run to the bus. And that doesn’t even begin to cover the afternoon exhausted human beings with very big feelings who come home and, as the teens say apparently, “crash out”. Schooltime chaos is a whole other beast than the summertime chaos we have come off. I can also honestly say that the last 5 weeks of my work life have been challenging in THE most unexpected ways and very reminiscent of the headspace I was in (aka full burnout) in 2017. That’s not a headspace I want to go back into so let me tell you about one of the best ways I keep myself out of burnout.
When life gets hard.
I was talking with the Boston Bestie and also my Texas Ride or Die at multiple points during the last few weeks and we all came to the conclusion that when things are this chaotic (checks notes: write a later blog post on how dysfunctional the Special Education system is) and the world feels really overwhelming and, yes, even scary, we’ve got to focus on two things. Number one: what’s in our control to influence and have a firm yes/no on. Number Two: find the glimmers. In the world of mental health, glimmers are the opposite of trauma reminders. Glimmers are the everyday moments that cause us to pause and say “Wow” but in a good way, full of awe, and usually accompanied by a long exhale. Pausing and looking for glimmers helps to rewire our brain away from trauma responses and into a growth mindset. And because you know I always keep it really, really real over here, there are some days where finding the glimmers are super hard. Yesterday was one of them. It was the suckiest of days. And since I’m still working on not “gratituding” everything, I know it’s okay to say that out loud. Some days are just sucky and really hard. On those days I try to be extra gentle with myself and my family because I think we all need it. And on those days when I can’t find glimmers, I remind myself of other days that haven’t been so hard - this day/season is not forever - so I can let myself have that moment. And tomorrow is a new day.
Glimmers.
I know this can sound all “pie in the sky, woo woo BS”, but it’s really not. I won’t bore you with the science behind it but I will share this great article by the Newport Institute that sums it up nicely. Because I’m a visual learner and often need examples, I wanted to share my list of glimmers from the last few weeks.
Glimmers:
Hot coffee in a regular mug (not travel mug)
Cooking a delicious, easy, and nutritious dinner for the fam bam
Pickleball on a Saturday morning with our son
Cooler mornings
Stunning sunrises and sunsets
A phone background that grounds me and encourages me (more to come on that!)
Supporting an amazing cause with fun women
Wearing sparkles and sequins
Hugs from my sweaty kids coming off the bus
Sports updates from my Dad, even though the Yankees season is sucking
Belly laughing at Schitt’s Creek episodes with my husband
Watering my garden and the joy that it brings
Meeting a friend for coffee
An unplanned FaceTime with the Boston Bestie
The loyalty of friends who will throw down for your children because they love them almost as much as you do (The Aunties do NOT play, let me tell you!)
Funny stories over texts from my siblings
Building castles with our daughter
Dark chocolate in the afternoon
Good, good music
I could go on. I like to take photos of the glimmers that I can take photos of and it helps me have that visual reminder. I also have a running list of glimmers in a note on my phone. Some people like to write stuff down and maybe when my life slows down a bit, I can do that, too. I like the idea but the execution is hard for this Mom right now. So, you find the system that works best for you.
Here’s what I can for sure tell you. When I make the mental space to hold both the hard, sad, scary AND the beautiful, joyful, and lovely in my mind, I’m all the way around better for it. So, friends, as we head into the “-ber months” and the seasons start to change, and the pace of life fluctuates, look for the glimmers. And let me know what you find.
Love you, mean it.