What Are We For?
This week I read a really impactful quote from a book I’ve read probably 3 times at this point. If you know me really well, you know how rare it is for me to take time to re-read a book! But, James Clear’s Atomic Habits is one that definitely deserves an exception to that practice. The book is all about how to actually build lifelong habits because they’re centered on your identity, not on just doing a task for 21 days (which is a myth, btw). While I am still very much in the process of building and at times rebuilding healthy habits, I will say the ideas and strategies that James lays out in this book are super helpful. In a few years when we’re in a different parenting phase (just really holding on for the day that both children can make their own breakfasts…) BUT, I will say that changing my approach from “working out is a chore I have to do” to “I exercise and move my body in some way every day because I want to do fun things with my kids for the next 40 years” has helped me immensely to stay connected to my exercise habit. Anyway, the quote this week!
“Focus on the things you are for, not the things you are against. Many people spend large chunks of their day thinking about what they hate. They are always telling you about something they dislike: this food, that subject, this political party, that coworker. You are more than your frustrations. Build your identity around what you love.” - James Clear
Gosh, did this hit home for me this week. I feel like for the last two weeks specifically, so much of the conversations at work and at home have been focused on what’s going wrong, what we don’t like, what negative things need to change. And there’s a time and a place for that to help with identifying challenges and what improvements can be made. I certainly understand that! Reading and then really sitting with the idea of being more vocal about what we are for, what we can imagine the outcomes to be, and what behaviors (hello, parenting!) we are wanting to see vs. what we’re currently struggling with changing. I need to remember, especially with my kids, that they are just kids and they’re pretty great ones at that. Kids who are still learning and growing. What I’ve noticed is that when I pay attention and express gratitude to my kids (and let’s be real, the adults I lead and work with, too!) about the positive behaviors I’m noticing, that increases more than the negative. With this quote in mind, I want to share 5 things about what I am for and love. Let’s do it!
I’m For…
1. Being an Encourager. This is something that literally costs me nothing and brings me such great joy. I’ve been able to widen my friendship circle a bit the last few months because of cheering on and encouraging some amazing local business women. While we connected at first through Instagram, we’ve met locally a few times at events and these ladies are just as lovely and strong and creative in person as they are online! Real and kind people are my kind of people. These ladies are local to the Leander/Cedar Park area, but have websites and are just delightful to get connected with. Cheer them on with me, yes?
Penny Royal Bakery - Penny is the real deal when it comes to cookie decorating and just having fun! She calls herself the “Crazy Cookie Lady” a lot because, like me, she works full time and the bakery is a fun side hustle for her! Her cookies are absolutely DELICIOUS and her classes are beyond fun and relaxing. I attended one in the spring and can’t wait to go to another one! Central Texas friends, this is such a fun girls’ night out or a fun friend group activity to do.
Cookies decorated at one of Penny Royal Bakery’s Cookie Classes!
Cappa Creations - Ashley is just as laid back, relaxed, and stylish as the jewelry she designs and sells! She’s a wife and Momma and loves supporting her family through offering beach themed necklaces, bracelets, and for summer, anklets. Our daughter was low key obsessed with butterflies this spring and also wanted to move from her very much toddler/little bitty girl necklaces to what she termed “big girl necklaces” and we got the most beautiful butterfly necklace for her from Ashley. She was a delight to message with about it and the quality couldn’t be better. I’ve also got my eye on the amazing resin wineglasses she designs which are goooorgeous!
These glasses are pieces of ART! Gorgeous.
Turquoise Peacock Boutique - Angela is just the sweetest, kindest soul who runs a boutique built on purposefully encouraging women to look and feel their best. I’m a sucker for a great sales rack and the Peacock’s is stocked, plus she has the BEST graphic tee selection! I can’t get my hands on the cutest “Just a Girl Who Loves Reading Books” pink and light turquoise tee before it sells out, but I’m determined to by the end of summer. She also champions other local women run businesses and offers an incredible array of gift items. Women supporting and encouraging women. I’m all about it!
Peep the bracelets by Ashley over at Cappa Creations!
2. Celebrating and Loving BIG. This doesn’t mean expensive, by the way! Overall, we’re a pretty frugal household so we can have some awesome experiences. Birthdays are one of my favorite things to celebrate, especially with our little family of 4. We do balloons, favorite treats, choice of activities, and a special dinner out. All day long we remind the birthday person it’s their special day and I make it a point to tell them how important they are, what I love about them, and why they are so special. I don’t think birthdays should be the only time we tell people we love them and get to celebrate them though. My Boston Bestie is the absolute queen of this and reminds me all the time to love the important people in our life loudly. Every day. My friends know it’s the norm for me to tell them I love them just like I tell my family I love them. Life is too short to not love and celebrate big.
3. Coffee. At this point, you should not need much explanation if you’ve been following along the last few months. But in case you do, read all about it here. I am definitely for coffee!
4. The Younger Generations. This is a hot take that I will lovingly defend to the very end. I absolutely love Gen Z and Gen Alpha, coming right behind them. Gen Z kids are in high school and college, for the most part. I am utterly smitten with their generation because they are creative, smart, tech savvy (yet so many are already recognizing the need for healthy boundaries with tech!), and well on their way to being emotionally intelligent in a way no other generation has been before them. They are the kids who have helped break down the walls and stigmas around mental illness, counseling/therapy, and the idea that asking for help is strength. Will they absolutely drive you bananas with frustration at times? Yes. 100%. Will they change the world and solve a lot of problems along the way? Also yes. I fully lean into the idea of having a reverse mentor and regularly keep in touch with our babysitters who have gone on to college and ask them what are the top 3 things I need to currently know. Their answers both crack me up AND provide such valuable insights, especially for my M-F Day Job in Talent Development. As our kids are getting older, I find myself enjoying getting to know their friends and having short conversations with them, too. And also being “roasted” because of my use of not cool words anymore…
5. Advocacy and Discourse. This shows up in many ways in my life. It’s something that I’m passionate about because it’s literally me kindly (and sometimes firmly) sharing with others that there is a better way! I advocate for my children on a regular basis. I advocate for better systems and policies for mental health. I advocate for all people to be able to life a full, safe, and meaningful life. My favorite method of advocacy is sitting down over a cup of coffee and really listening to what the person on the other side of an “issue” has to say. What they believe. Where they’re really dug in on points. I ask a lot of questions, but I listen. And when asked, I share my thoughts. What I have found is that most of the time, giving that person a safe space to talk about their views shows them that we’re not always super far off the target of agreement. We actually do want the same thing, we just are going about it differently. And usually we can find a middle ground we both agree on and move the work forward. One of the most influential people who has taught me about this the last 5 years is Sharon McMahon, America’s Government Teacher. Look her up and let’s chat.
Photo by Alicia Leigh Photography
So, sweet friends, let’s talk more about what we’re FOR this week. And if you’re up for it, leave a comment telling me what you’re for!
JoEllen