Self-Care When You Can’t Even Shower in Peace.
Let’s be real: the idea of self-care when you’re deep in the trenches of parenting, working, caregiving, and trying to keep everyone alive (including yourself) often feels... laughable. Like, “LOL sure, I’ll just book a spa day after I finally fold that laundry that’s been haunting my soul for two weeks.”
But here’s the truth that no perfectly filtered Instagram quote tells you: self-care isn’t fancy. It’s survival. It’s not what the billion dollar industry wants you to think it is, that’s for dang sure. And sometimes, that survival looks like hiding in your car for five minutes of silence. Or sitting in your bathroom pretending to use it so no one asks you for anything. Or yes, trying to take a shower while little fingers slide notes under the door asking for snacks. (By the way, Bucees has THE cutest and most spot on tumbler for Moms aptly decorated in neon colors and it says “Snack Dealer”. Accurate.)
So how do we actually take care of ourselves when we can’t even shower in peace? Let me introduce you to: Bare Minimum Self-Care.
Redefine What Counts
Forget bubble baths and yoga retreats for a second. If those things happen for you—AMAZING. But if they don’t, let’s start smaller.
Self-care can be:
Eating a warm meal (even if it’s microwaved three times).
Saying no to a request that drains you. (I forgot to do this for an upcoming week of plans and then I remembered that I am a grown adult and can still say no!)
Going to bed at 9:30 instead of doom-scrolling until midnight.
Drinking water before coffee (okay, or after coffee—let’s not get wild over here).
Actually putting on what I dub “grown up clothes” that help you feel great about yourself.
10 minute workouts on Apple Fitness or your choice of platforms!
We lower the bar not because we’re settling, but because we’re surviving. And survival is enough. Especially in the summertime, friends!
Micro-Moments Matter
This has been one of the greatest strategies in my arsenal as I work on burnout recovery. You might not get an hour of alone time—but what can you do with five or 10 minutes?
Light a candle and breathe while your kids fight in the next room. Pretend it’s relaxing. May or may not have done that at 7:43am on Monday. No judgment here!
Step outside. No phone. Just air and sky and your neighbor wondering why you're staring at a tree. Read more about this here.
Blast your favorite song in the car and sing like you’re auditioning for a musical called I Miss Silence.
Keep a snack stash that no one else knows about. Eat it. Slowly. Like royalty. Because you’re the Queen of your castle, friend.
These tiny moments add up. You’re creating pockets of peace in the chaos.
Say No (and Mean It)
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Or even a half-full one. Or one with a cracked lid and a crayon lodged inside.
So practice saying no to things that aren’t essential.
No, I will not take the kids to a birthday party for a “best friend” they met at a 3 hour summer camp one time.
No, I am not available to serve on that extra committee for work that reeeeeeeeallly doesn’t have anything to do with my actual job.
No, I’m not answering emails after 6:00 p.m. unless Taylor Swift personally needs my help.
Your peace is a boundary worth protecting.
Ask for Help (Yes, You. Ok, and Me.)
Let’s normalize this: You don’t have to do it all alone. This was a big, big part of my burnout the last few years. I had it in my head that because I was the Mom and the Wife, I had to do everything on my own. Did my sweet husband ever in the entirety of our marriage say this? He sure did not. There’s a lot that went into that belief and I’ll share that later, but all of that to say, you are not designed to do all of the (waves hand in the air) Life Things by yourself! Ask for help AND receive the help when it is given. My husband was offering to help but I had to get to the point where I was okay with things not being done exactly how I would have done them. Are the dishes still getting loaded? Sure are. Are the bowls where I would put them? Nope. And that’s okay.
A few ideas to get you started: Ask your spouse, partner, or person to handle bedtime—even if they don’t do it your way. Call a friend and ask them to listen without fixing. Say yes to takeout when cooking feels like a personal attack, which happens about once a week in the Goldsberry household! Why do these small humans have to eat 3 actual meals a day?!
And if you’re the kind of person who always says, “I’m fine”—try saying “I’m tired. I need a break.” This has also been a game changer for me as it’s helped me find my voice and authentically communicate. It’s not weakness. It’s wisdom.
Celebrate the Ridiculous
Sometimes, all you can do is laugh. And that counts, too.
Laugh at the fact that your kid called your stretch marks “tiger stripes.” (True story) Laugh because you just said “All bugs, including rolly pollies, must stay outside” for the third time this week. Laugh at the buckets of Legos spread out on the floor and be glad that your home security just leveled up!
Finding humor in the chaos is how we run this marathon of life.
Last Thoughts (While Hiding in the Closet)
You may not get a quiet shower today. You may not even finish your coffee while it’s hot. But you can:
Take five deep breaths.
Set one small boundary.
Feed and move your body.
Ask for help.
Laugh at the chaos.
And maybe, just maybe, you’ll get that hot shower tomorrow. If not, there’s always dry shampoo and a dream.
You’re doing enough. You are enough.
Keep surviving. Keep sipping that coffee (or your favorite cup of whatever!). And keep showing up for yourself—even in the chaos.