Collective Joy and Why We Need It.
Where are my 80s babies at? Remember when you had to wait for new episodes of TV shows to be aired each week? I distinctly remember my older brother shouting at me to hurry up in the bathroom on a commercial break because I was going to miss part of an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. Being a child of the 90s was a gift that I had no idea I had been given, for many reasons. One of the biggest being that we were able to experience so much more collective joy in our lives. We had no idea at the time that we’d be the last real generation to not have easy access to the internet, have to use a real library card catalogue, and write research papers by hand or, if you were lucky, a huge desktop computer that could barely run a word processing program. We drank out of water hoses and there was not a Stanley water bottle in sight. And we survived! Anyway, back to the TV situation. I remember in high school having friends over each week to watch Jennifer Garner kick down doors and take some spy names down all while getting closer to finding out that it was her own father all along who had killed her husband and set her on the path she was on - the 90s were also full of intense drama! We would pack into our tiny living room, about 20 of us at one time, and eat candy, snacks, and collectively scream at the intense parts. We’d then head out back to jump on the trampoline and laugh our heads off when one of the girls ran into our patio screen door so hard she bounced off. The memories go on and on (including the kidnapping of one of our science teacher’s monkey statues and other pranks) but so many are centered around the idea of collective joy.
The Art of Gathering
A few years ago as part of figuring out how to make conferences and workshop days more engaging and meaningful, I read Priya Parker’s book The Art of Gathering. It was exceptionally well written and thought provoking. I think I actually read it twice, once on my own and then once for a leadership book study I facilitated. When I read any book twice, that is when I pay attention. The whole premise of Priya’s book is that we’ve lost the art of gathering together, mostly because so much of our society has become focused on solo and independent activities. We don’t gather to watch TV shows together anymore because they’re accessible at any point through streaming. It’s not just TV shows either; she details out in beautiful narrative about how people have decreased their gathering in general. But her writing doesn’t leave us without pointers on how to get back to actual, intentional gathering (even if it’s an informal, quick “hey I have this, you bring what you have” kind of gathering!). One of the points that stuck with me the most was how important collective joy is essential to our wellness. In a society and nation that feels more and more divided, I couldn’t agree more. So, as we headed in to the fall season, I decided to really lean into cultivating experiences full of collective joy.
The last two weeks specifically have been easier to do that thanks to the phenomenon that is The Summer I Turned Pretty. I know the show’s been out for a while, but it’s unique to me in that the creators didn’t release one season at a time…they released it one episode at a time each week…bringing back the 90s, baby! In case you, for some odd reason, don’t know what I’m talking about, TSITP (as it’s known by fans *cough raises hand cough*) is a three season show that was released on Amazon Prime TV. It’s based on the trilogy of books written by Jenny Han and has a huge, worldwide fan base where you’re either on Team Jeremiah or Team Conrad (oh Connie Baby, you really put us through the wringer!). It’s the coming of age story and so much more of Isabel “Belly” Conklin, mostly set in a coastal New England town where the friend group spends each summer. It covers all the topics - love, heartbreak, family dynamics, best friends, death, grief…I could go ON AND ON about this show but here is why it brought me so much collective joy. A group text that I am in was going off about the show and I had no idea what it was, but one of my friends assured me that I’d love it and I needed to, and I quote, “get with it”. She and I have that relationship where we can be so very blunt with each other! And so, as I watched episodes while folding laundry, cooking dinner, and so much more, I would text our group chat with my reactions, which then led to further “OMG I KNOW” statements…collective joy. When the show finale came out last Wednesday we coordinated when we’d all watch it (because we are, unfortunately, responsible adults with j-o-b-s, boooo) and then we scheduled a debrief. It was a shared experience and for me specifically, brought back all the nostalgia of those nights watching Alias in high school. It was exactly what my heart needed. And of course, I’m so very sad that the show has now ended…but we’re already making plans to attend the TSITP movie premiere!
How We Gather & Why It Matters.
Collective joy can also be found in impromptu gatherings, like when we met up the other night for dinner at the last minute with friends. I had at first had one of our kids sitting between me and one of our friends so the guys (who are tall and big and broadshouldered) could have more room and about halfway through I had our kiddo switch places. The smile and hug that my friend gave me as I settled in next to her was so comforting. Not that she doesn’t enjoy our kids, because she does, but there’s something about settling in next to a good friend and knowing that you don’t have to keep up pretenses or anything else that just sparks joy and peace in my heart.
As we head into another week that will be full of activities, meetings, and yes, stress, let’s not forget the importance of collective joy. Call up that friend you’ve been meaning to get lunch with. Take the cookie decorating class and make a new friend because of a shared love of a TV show. Eat late night tacos with the friend who is on the opposite political view of you and realize you’re both closer to the middle than not. (And you leave the taco place later than you thought to eat cookies in your car driving home.) Join in on the fun that the Taylor Swift “Life of a Showgirl” album release party will be on October 3rd. Whatever YOUR thing is, find people to enjoy it with you and embrace the joy of being together. I’m convinced that the more we can hold both the joyous and the harder parts of life, we’ll find the path forward.
Love you, mean it, friends.
