Holiday Travel: Neurodiversity Parenting Edition
The holidays are literally right around the corner, which means joy, twinkle lights, matching pajamas…and also sensory overload, packed suitcases, delayed flights, Great Aunt Judy asking why your child still won’t eat her famous casserole, and your stress levels sitting somewhere near the North Pole. It’s really magical, isn’t?!
Traveling with neurodiverse kids, whether by road or by plane, isn’t just about packing the right snacks or entertainment. It’s about planning for regulation: your child’s and yours. Because your energy sets the tone. And if your nervous system is fried, well, your child will feel it. So here’s a realistic look into traveling with neurodiverse kids this holiday season complete with road trip hacks, airport strategies, and self-regulation tips for parents who are just trying to hold it all together with lukewarm caffeine and dry shampoo.
Let’s Talk Road Trips: Planning for the Journey (Not Just the Destination)
Strategies for Kids:
Visual Travel Timeline: Create a simple “map” with stops marked for Home → Gas Station → Lunch → Grandma’s. Kids can move a sticker or clip to track progress. I like to also throw in a “wild card” clip or sticker to help us practice flexible thinking around traffic, extra potty stops (for children OR parent ;-).
Comfort Zone Kit: Blanket, favorite stuffie, headphones, fidgets, chewy (not too messy) snacks, sunglasses and basically whatever helps regulate their sensory input without totally trashing the car.
Predictable Snacks: Pack what you know they’ll eat. This is not the time to introduce quinoa crackers. Low blood sugar does not help avoid the inevitable crashout that will come at some point from everyone during travel days. We also like to let the kids pick out one fun snack at one of our gas station stops, usually the Buc-ees!
Movement Breaks Every 2 Hours: Even a 5-minute stretch or jump outside the car can reset dysregulated bodies. I also coach the kids on stretching in their seats, moving their legs, arms, and safely doing torso stretches. Anything that can help them get that stored up energy out! We also try to be strategic if we’re on a multi-day road trip to find a hotel with an indoor pool and that’s the first thing we take them to do!
Road Trip Central!
Parent Self-Regulation Strategies
Regulate Before You Drive: Don’t load the car in a silent panic. Take 3 - 4 deep breaths in the driveway before starting the car. It’s not dramatic, it’s biology.
Anchor Statements: When the car gets loud or someone’s melting down, try repeating quietly to yourself:
“This is hard, but we’re okay.” “I can be calm even if they aren’t.”
Our kids are looking to us to be the calm in the chaos of their meltdown. I will say I use this strategy “out loud” much more than my husband because 1. We regulate very differently because we are very different people and what triggers me doesn’t even phase him! And 2. My own therapist has helped me realize that my only internally saying calm statements doesn’t model regulation for my kids. And you know what - the other day when she was struggling, our daughter paused, said one of her calming statements, breathed, and worked through her big feelings. YAY! Modeling works, friends.
Music for Nervous Systems (Not Just Spotify Vibes): Calming playlists help regulate your child and your blood pressure. You all know how I feel about music because I wrote about it here!
Tag-Team When Possible: If you’re traveling with another adult, designate breaks where one drives and the other decompresses (yes, even if decompressing is scrolling in silence while eating stale pretzels and drinking cold coffee).
Air Travel: Airplanes, Airports, and Emotional Oxygen
Strategies for Kids:
Social Story or Prep At Home: Walk them through airport steps: security, boarding, engine noises, seatbelts, the “we’re just sitting for a while” part. Our kids are pretty amazing flyers now but that’s because we put a ton of work into the prep beforehand. I may have lined up chairs and had them practice sitting and not kicking the neighbor in front of them when they were younger…but that practice has paid off in spades!
Pre-Boarding Is Your Friend: Use early boarding to settle in without a crowd watching you wrestle seat belts and panic snacks. Our kids are at the age where we can’t pre-board and I kind of miss those days! We found pre-boarding very helpful, but I have seen other families share about how boarding later in the process to let the kids get as much wiggles and excitement out as possible works for them. I say, you know your kiddo best and you are the expert on helping them work through their needs. Do what works best for your kiddo and you!
Snackle Box: Separate compartments with familiar foods. Kids feel more control when they can make choices in stressful environments. Again, not the time to experiment with new foods. Go with what’s tried and true and sprinkle in a little fun stuff, too.
Let Go of the Myth of the “Good Traveler”: You are not responsible for making everyone on the plane comfortable. You are responsible for keeping your child safe and supported.
Headphones are a must for us on airplanes!
Managing the Mental Load: The Unpacked Luggage We Carry
Traveling with neurodiverse kids isn’t just logistics, it’s emotional labor.
You are:
Anticipating meltdowns before they happen
Preparing backup plans for your backup plans
Managing how others perceive your child (even though as soon as you can let that go, the calmer your brain can be!)
Trying to stay calm while also Googling “nearest Buc-ee’s with quiet corner”
Mental Load Survival Tips
Pre-Write Important Info: Medications, diagnoses, triggers, accommodations. Keep it in your phone notes in case someone needs it.
Plan Your Melt-Down Safe Spaces: In the car? Gas stations.
In airports? Family restrooms, nursing rooms, or just behind a big fake plant. Been there. No shame in this Mom’s game.Shift from Perfection to Connection: Travel will not be perfect. This is the only thing you can guarantee. Focus on connection with your kiddo first, not control.
Don’t even try to handle the chaos without the coffee!
A Reminder Just for You
You are not failing if your child struggles while traveling.
You are not responsible for making the holidays magical for everyone else.
You are a human doing your best with a nervous system that deserves care, too.
So take your own regulation as seriously as you take your child’s.
Sip your coffee while it’s hot at least once.
Take a quiet bathroom break even if someone yells “MOM!” right outside the door.
And remember: It’s not about traveling perfectly. It’s about getting there together and still wanting to do all the memory making together.
Love you, mean it, friends.